By Shari Read
Progressive Relaxation
This classic technique involves tensing and then relaxing each muscle group in your body. Start in a comfortable reclining position and wrinkle your forehead, then gradually work down through each muscle group, tensing the muscles and then relaxing. When you get to your feet, relax and enjoy the release of tension for a few moments. Get up slowly to avoid dizziness.
Passive Relaxation
This is similar to the technique above, except it focuses more on breathing and deep relaxation. Keeping your breathing slow and rhythmic, focus on each part of your body in turn, allowing the muscles to relax fully and the tension to melt away. As you breathe in imagine breathing in relaxation and as you exhale, imagine all of the tension etc leaving your body.
Visualisation
During visualisation you take thoughts and memories and translate them into mental images that can help you reach your goals, whether that be a tangible achievement or the attainment of total relaxation. The idea of using pictures in your mind to manage your physical reality may sound abstract, but think about how imagining fresh baked cookies or some other yummy food can make you hungry. You may wish to visualise a safe place from your memory or imagination that gives you a sense of well-being.
You might like to try the Grounded Tree visualisation for a sense of balance and stability; imagine your feet grounded in the earth as if they were tree roots deeply implanted, strong and unmoving. Imagine your spine strong and sturdy like a tree trunk, holding you steady, unwavering in your love for yourself and your family. Imagine your arms and legs like the branches, swaying gently in the breeze, hands and feet as loose and limp as the soft leaves. Imagine that your mind is the clear blue sky surrounding the tree, a gentle breeze blowing through to clear your thoughts as they come and go. And your partner is the sun, providing nurturing, supporting warmth, feel the love radiating from this special person.
Touch Relaxation (or massage)
This technique involves working with a partner to identify tense areas of the body. Most people have a certain area where they tend to store tension. Learn what it is. You may clench your jaw, or rub your temples or make fists. Study your partner for these areas and by firmly touching or stroking that area, encourage relaxation there. Don't criticize. It takes practice to learn to relax. If you do not respond well to touch, find a cue (verbal or non-verbal) that you can agree to use. The least relaxing thing in the world is when someone commands you to "RELAX!" With a soothing voice use words that describe a relaxed state like soft, melt, flow, warm, loose, floppy, cool, smooth, and anything else you can think of.
Giving a massage
Before you start to massage, take some time to tune in to your partner's energy, by touching her body lightly with both hands. Then warm some oil in your hands by rubbing your palms together and apply lightly to the part of the body you are about to massage. Spread the oil evenly over the whole area.
Then sit or kneel comfortably beside your partner and breathe deeply to relax and centre yourself. Begin to work, starting slowly and keeping your mind on the sensations you are feeling. Try to put your whole body into the movements rather than just your hands and make sure you are fully relaxed. Ask your partner how she is feeling and take your time.
Upper and lower back massage
Ask your partner to kneel and lean forward over a fit ball, bean bag or a pile of cushions so that her whole body is comfortably supported. Encourage her to breathe deeply and relax. Place your hands lightly on her lower back to start with and, breathing deeply yourself, tune into her energy.
Oil your hands and place them on your partner's shoulders. Using your whole hand and your forearms, begin the massage with long, light, sweeping strokes. Using your palms, fingers, and thumbs, knead the shoulder muscles, the back of the neck, and the upper back increasing or decreasing the pressure as needed.
Massage up each side of the spine (never on the spine itself) from the lower back to the base of the head, pausing to work on any tight or tender spots. Use the heel of your palms and also your thumbs and fingers to massage the lower back in light circular movements. Start with the triangular sacral bone at the base of the spine and work from the centre outwards, including the hips, buttocks and thighs.
Neck and arm massage
Ask your partner to kneel or sit upright and position yourself so that you are kneeling comfortably behind her. Begin with the long, sweeping strokes all over the arm and shoulders.
Using the fingers of both hands, work into the muscles at the side of your partner's neck and shoulders.
Then knead the shoulders firmly, using the whole of each hand. Work down the upper arms, squeezing and releasing the muscles. Massage each lower arm and hand separately.
Neck and Face Massage
Ask your partner to sit down with her upper body well supported by cushions and elevate her feet so that they are higher than her legs. Place some additional cushions under her knees. Kneel or sit comfortably behind her and take her head gently between your hands so that the tips of your fingers are resting at the base of her skull.
Encourage your partner to breathe deeply and let go so that her head relaxes into your hands. Massage up the back of her neck with long, even strokes. Then, supporting her neck with one hand, massage the back of the skull with the other.
Roll your partner's head gently to one side. Massage with the heel of your palm down the side of her neck. Repeat on the other side.
Holding your partner's head between your hands, use your thumbs to massage from the centre of the forehead out towards the temples.
If you partner is comfortable with face massage, massage along the upper rims of the eye sockets, working out from the centre. Next massage the lower rims of the eye sockets, again working outwards.
Massage along the cheek bones, stroking from the sides of the nose outward. Then massage along the upper jawbone between the nose and lips, working out from the centre. Using your fingers and thumbs, massage along the bone, starting at the centre of the chin and working out and up toward the ears
Holding your partner's ears between your thumbs and fore fingers, massage the lobes gently until they become warm.
Ask your partner to open her mouth a little and release her lower jaw Use your fingers to massage into the corners of her jaw and release any tightness.
Massage your partners scalp quite vigorously with your fingertips.
End by placing your cupped palms gently over her eyes for a few minutes or use an eye pillow if available.
Whole body massage
The following massage sequence will encourage total relaxation and help to ensure restful sleep. Breathing deeply, take your time and work slowly.
Ask your partner to lie on her right side first and stretch out her right leg while bending the left. Place a pillow under her head and use at least two more to support her left knee. Kneel comfortably behind her. Use your thumbs to massage the long muscles that run down either side of her spine. Start from the top of her neck and work down to her pelvis, loosening any tight spots with small, circular movements.
Using the palm of one hand, start at the base of your partner's neck and massage down the length of her spine with long, even strokes. Alternate 'hand over hand' to create a regular, soothing rhythm.
Use plenty of oil to massage your partner's belly. Spread the oil over the centre of her belly and then massage around the sides, making circular strokes in a clockwise direction. Work with your whole band, using a light, even pressure.
Continue around the hip and down the top leg to the foot.
Now ask your partner to roll over onto her left side and repeat the whole sequence.
Foot massage
Encourage your partner to recline comfortably, with a pile of cushions supporting her back. Sit near her feet and take one heel in your hand supporting her lower leg on your knee.
Using your free hand, stroke from the top to the bottom of your partner's foot. Continue to work intuitively over the whole foot, bending, flexing, and rotating it in your hands.
Using the heel of your hand, press up into the arch of your partner's foot. Work back toward the heel and apply firm, rhythmic pressure. This will help to relieve tension in the arch.
Using both thumbs, massage the sole of your partner's foot. Then, supporting the arch with one hand, grasp hold of her toes with the other and flex them gently up and down. Repeat a few times.
Supporting your partner's foot in one hand, use the other hand to work each toe individually. Bend the toe gently back and forward, then stroke up and down the sides of the toe. Next roll the toe slowly, three times in each direction. Finally, pull the toe gently away from the foot.